Or the story of Milwaukee.
Today is my kittehn’s fourth birthday. (And then I left my cursor blinking for five minutes trying to figure out how to put into words ANYTHING to follow that up with that doesn’t make me sound cray cray. I’ve got nothing.) She’s bratty, mainly because she’s too smart for her own good, but she’s so full of love that I can’t imagine a life without her now. She’s my Milwaukee, my Millie, my kittehn. And this is her story.
I once asked my dad why he waited so long to turn on his windshield wipers when it started to rain.
He replied, “You just look past the drops and everything is still clear. You don’t need them right away.”
I think I’ve been operating under the impression that I need them right away.
It’s funny the simple conversations that stay with you and turn out to mean so much more than face value.
stolen from jenny grace
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Received unemployment, Tivo’d, played down the holiday’s, played an important role in a wedding, went to Alaska, tried online dating, joined a semi-pro cheer team, started couponing, went to Vegas, went to a bachelorette.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, at least none I remember
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really close but a lot of people I know, primarily from high school
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, not this year.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada!
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Stability
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 26th, the day I lost my job and my whole life changed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a job after only a month, or dancing again.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing my job.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Pneumonia in January, weird eye infection thingie.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Anything that was free with coupons.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom’s- I feel like we’ve become a lot closer and have mutual discussions about things now. My dad has become one of my number one fan. Dan has wonderful moments where we’re 100% on the same team. Meghan has become my best friend, the person I can always turn to for support.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I have never been this frank, but my ex. I cannot believe the shit he did to me that came up this year.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to vegas, cruising with just me and my mom, hockey season starting up again.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Drink to That by Rhianna. Party Rockers.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? By the end of the year, sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter during most of the year, getting thinner at the end.
c) richer or poorer? Significantly poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Dance, bonding with other ladies, travel.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying, sitting on the couch.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Sick, at my parent’s house.
21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Yes.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Holmes on Homes. I don’t want to ever buy a house without Mike going through it first!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not hate, but a lot of people got cut out this year.
24. What was the best book you read?
I can’t pick one… I really enjoyed The Hunger Games, The Help, whatever else I read camping.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kate Nash’s “Nicest Thing” Emmy Rossum “Slow me Down”
26. What did you want and get?
A new computer when mine died. A new job. A support system.
27. What did you want and not get?
I new, local female friend I can really bond with. Commitment (premature or otherwise). Organization. Sanity.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can’t remember seeing anything that completely rocked my socks. Fast Five?
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got belligerently drunk and did more things that I regret and am embarrassed about than I ever have. I turned 26.
30. What is one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being a conventional version of successful.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Soccer-mom chic. Lots of low boots and wedges, skinny jeans and casual scarves with tees. Not to be confused with hipster chic.
32. What kept you sane?
My cat, Milwaukee. Meghan. Wine. Weekends.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Parise from the NJ Devils. Always.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Probably Penn State.
35. Who did you miss?
My family. Dan when our schedules became opposite. Meghan when shit goes south. Friends I drifted from like Rachelle, Heather and Kat.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Some of the girls on dance team are fabulous. An older Canadian gentleman from the cruise.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
You are always replaceable. You are also always good enough.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“The noise of the world is getting me caught up/ Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it/ Just need to breath, somebody please/ slow me down”
I LOVE Superbowl. But I hate football.
Conundrum, eh? I just love the food. My criteria for the perfect superbowl “meal” is utterly snackable: no utensils, clever and oh so tasty. And I love feeding people, so Superbowl is purely my vehicle.
This year, I’ve decided to let that inspiration begin at new years, with a casual gathering of the usual suspects. If I’ve got to stay up late to kiss this crappy year goodbye, I’m going to be eating. Here’s my lineup for both events:
New Years:
- Mini Lasagna Cups – A newbie to my lineup but I think a perfect munchable dinner-like item for the evening.
- Salad on a Stick – Honestly I think this is lamer than lame, but it’ll be nice to have next to the lasagna cups. Totally embarrassed this is in my lineup, but fork-free.
- PW Jalapeno Poppers - God I love Pioneer Woman. And these look delish, for everyone who likes jalapeno. Which sadly isn’t me.
- Caramelized Onion and Goat Cheese Bread – Must I explain this one? Really? Cheese, carbs and flavor. Life is complete.
- Perhaps prosciutto and melon for it’s salty sweet delight.
- Raw fruits and veggies for guilt-free constant nomming.
- Cheesy puffs. Mandatory processed fakeness because it MUST BE SO.
- And then these gems. Cheesecake Stuffed Strawberries. You’re welcome.
Breakfast of course is a whole ‘nother beast, but I think these Idaho Sunrises will be PERFECT. Cheese and bacon with plenty of hangover absorbing carbs.
Now Superbowl is all about appealing to the boys, so it’s a little less… snooty?
- PW Jalapeno Poppers, as shown above. OBVS.
- Mini Baked Potatoes – I did these ones last year and they were a HUGE hit. I’ll have to make twice as many me thinks.
- Nacho Cups – I swear, these are like consumerism at its finest. They require almost no cooking, all you do is open like 7 different jars and spoon into tortilla chip cups. It’s ridiculous. Ridiculously delicious.
- Bacon and Blue Cheese Dip – This will be the only dip returning from last year. No other is needed.
- Again, fruit and veggies for my ladylike sensibilities.
- Lil Smokies. Ya just kinda gotta.
- Tequila Watermelon Wedges – No part of this sounds like a bad idea. Nope.
- Last year I made Mini Cheesecakes as well, and I think I might be kicked out of my own house if I don’t offer them up again. Plus, they’re super easy. Maybe even superbowl easy. Sorry, I’ll stop.
And that’s it! Easy, snackable, hands-only feasts that you can graze on for a while. Other things I found include Asparagus in Blankets, Tomato Basil Skewers and Mustard Dill Tortellini Salad Skewers… those might have to wait on the bench until next year.
On to a new adventure…
Wake
Check job sites
Check couponing sites
Watch something on TV
Clean something
Get out of the house on whatever desperate reasoning I can come up with
Stalk twitter obsessively
Catch up with friends
Clean something
Check job sites
Check couponing blogs
Read another book
Eat dinner
Stay up too late
Repeat.
I’ve never been formally unemployed. Never received unemployment or severence pay. This is a whole new world I’m not accustomed to.
Ultimately, it makes me feel a little worthless. I’ve taken to doing ANYTHING that will make me feel like I’m contributing to the betterment of my life. Cook something new, bake another dessert, try my hand at baking bread, deep clean the stove, get an amazingly good deal, paint my nails, wax my car, pay bills.
While my time is monotenous and mundane, I’ve also finally got time to do new things. The mystery is just in finding the balance that leaves me feeling fulfilled and optomistic.
Here’s to the unknown.
[i was home all along...]
Listen its like poker you can play your best/ But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest/
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath/ And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck
“I don’t play a hand unless it’s paired or suited.”
*pause*
uhm… then you don’t play very much, do you?
“Exactly.”
I learned to play poker (Omaha and hold ‘em) my sophomore year of college from my boyfriend’s apartment-mate. Scott is a beanpole of an Asian kid, quiet and witty. He had a passion for poker, the likes of which I had never seen. I harassing him regularly to teach me, in between hanging out in my boyfriend’s on-campus apartment while he was at class exclusively so I could watch TLC.
We sat down, finally, one night. I absorbed the rules and layout of play quickly and let him deal me a few hands face up so he could explain strategy. My boyfriend quickly got bored and wandered off to play Halo. I was rapt as he explained statistics and percentages, numbers that made a game quickly less of a game and more of a math equation that I would NEVER get a grip on.
“So, you have a five of clubs and a eight of diamonds, what would you do?”
Play it, at least until the flop and see what my odds are for the straight.
“No. You would fold.”
…
“The odds of you hitting a five to nine or four to eight straight aren’t in your favor, and you have nothing else to work with.”
Oh. So. I fold. That’s boring.
“No. That’s smart.”
He finally let me conceal my cards. I was so excited to have a secret. We folded hand after hand. I got bold and played hands he wouldn’t, he expressed (generally with a sigh) the luck I got in flops and rivers. He still beat me, of course, but I was hooked. My birthday was celebrated on the beach and I requested we play poker at a picnic table after lunch.
Now when I play, I always think of Scott. I don’t talk to him anymore, I rarely talked to him after my boyfriend moved out of the apartment. But I sit and play on free poker sites, rolling my eyes at how other people play. I don’t fold as many hands, but I’ll ride my blind when given the opportunity and raise aggressively on good hands. I’ve lost more than I’ve won, but I can hold my own.
Scott also once, for a minute, convinced me that horse sweat was poisonous and that’s why cowboy’s wear chaps.
He could apparently teach me anything.
I went to a baby shower today for a coworker. Being a “Santa Cruz Baby Shower,” we didn’t play a single game. Not one. Which kind of brings every woman the same joy as stashing a really hideous bridesmaids dress in the Goodwill pile after the wedding: “ohthankyoujesus“. Because, quite frankly, there’s only so many times you can Oo and Aah over ANOTHER tiny onesie with a zoo animal on it, or something that forcibly removes bodily fluids from a woman’s body.
What we DID do though, is give a blessing for the baby and a second for the family after saying our association with the mother to be. A little hippie-dippy but ultimately kind of a cool idea.
“So everyone, we’ll start with your name, then your mom’s name, then your mom’s mom’s name and go as far back in your matriarchal line as you know…”
“Okay. Uhm, hi everyone. I’m Erica, my mom’s Lori and my grandma is Virgie. My great-grandma… uhm… I don’t know her name.”
Panic inside my brain follows: I mean, it’s not that I don’t know her name, exactly. I know what she looks like. I have a picture. She looks just like me… I just don’t think I’ve ever heard her name. Or maybe I wasn’t listening well enough, maybe I’ve been told and I just blocked it out because sometimes it just hurts to think about my grandma because I hardly knew her and to know her mom seems mind blowing to me. Maybe I should’ve listened closer. I’ll go home and find out. I’ll go home and start tracking my family tree, because I don’t think anyone’s doing it. The only part of my family with remote history and no one cares enough to track it. But I think someone might be, I don’t know. How can I not know my mom’s mom’s mom’s NAME even????
I’m prone to freak outs. Especially of the mental variety.
Here’s what I do know.
My grandma’s mom died when my grandma was young, maybe 8 years old. My grandma Virgie grew up in one of the Dakota’s, the poor Dakota (South?) and stopped school young to help on the family farm. They were poor, no Christmas poor. I’m pretty sure she was first generation, from Norway, to the point where her and her husband spoke only Norwegian to each other. In passing, I think she had five children, Virgie being the youngest.
That’s it. That’s all I know.
But I think it’s time to learn more…
Dear grandma,
I haven’t seen you in twenty years. Every year I think of you, every day I think of you. I hardly know you, but I like to think you know me pretty well. Probably better than I know myself. I’ve determined though, that of everyone in the family you would understand me the most. That’s what I regret the most.
Over the course of twenty years, times will come up where my world tumbles down around me and I lie in the dark with tears streaming down my face and talk it all out to you. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember, like you can hear me.
And I feel like now, more than any other time, I want you to hear me so badly it’s making it worse.
